When I got home last night, Kyle had told me that the nurse called and left a message on our home machine with some bad news. We did not have any embryos make it to the freeze stage.
I'm so thankful for the two embabies that we did transfer and I really hope at least one of them does their magic. Stick baby Stick!
I have to admit though, that the news is very disconcerning to me.
For one, if this cycle doesn't work, I would have to go through every pill, every shot, every doctors appt and every blood draw, the egg retrieval, the wait and the transfer all over again. That 45 days was probably the hardest and most draining days of my life. The pain I was in last week after the retrieval was virtually unbearable, I couldn't move- poop- do anything.
Secondly, Kyle and I could never afford to do another cycle on our own without insurance help, even with the shared risk program that Shady Grove offers, thats still 20k and the financing on that is just not feasable for us. I tear up at the fact that we may have to wait years before having the money saved up to try again.
Most of all, I hate the stress and pressure that this puts on the 2 embabies I have in me right now to work.
I guess I just can't think about that right now and I just have to stay focused and positive. Its hard, but then again, nothing about infertility has been easy. This journey has been a rollercoaster of emotions and physical changes- my face has broken out like I'm going thru puberty, I cry and laugh just moments from each other. If the end result of all of this is not a baby, then it will not be a success..it will be a failure. I hate failure.
On a more upbeat note, just wanted to let you all know that I am going into the playoffs for fantasy football with the number ONE seed. Yes thats right, first place. I will play Erin in the first round of playoffs and the winner of this (two weeks of play, take total score) will go to the championship. First place wins $300.00. I'm hopeful that my team takes it to the bank- unless of course I play Matt in the championship, and then we all know how that will play out!
23 days until Xmas...and I'm just freakin out a tad. Not so much because of money, but because I have no idea what to get Cameron- most six year olds have the case of the "I wants" in a major way, but not this boy. I think my parents are getting him a go-cart for Xmas...maybe I'll just get the protective helmet and body pads lol.
As for me, well, all I want is to be pregnant for Xmas and unfortunately, no one can buy that for me in a store.
2 comments:
I cried, too, when I found out we had nothing to freeze. It never dawned on me that we wouldn't have some to freeze. I was sure that was a death sentence for the ones we transferred, especially since 2/3 we transferred were not in such good shape. Know that it can still happen - it did for me! They transfer the "best" ones, and the ones that are in you are not the same as the ones left behind to wait and grow. I had all the same fears as you, and you will deal with each step as it comes!
- Tkeys
Sorry to hear the news...but keep positive :) ... There are two inside of you that were transfered because they were the best! Keeping you and Kyle in our prayers!
Post a Comment