So I thought as part of a "clearing my chest" exercise, I would make today's post about confessions. Just a few things that I do as a Mom to Coen that might not be by the books, and possibly looked down on by a few Doctors and other Mothers. First a disclaimer: I am openly sharing this with you in full knowledge that the things might not be right or that there are probably better ways to do something, so save the criticism for someone who wants to hear it!
Moving along...
Confession #1:
I SUCK at doing tummy time with Coen! It's not like we haven't tried, because believe me I have, but Coen really isn't a fan of being on his tummy and I'm not a fan of making Coen mad. Yes, he might indeed learn to like it after awhile you might be thinking, but you aren't the one sitting there listening to him scream and then unable to console him for an hour afterwards. The fact that Coen usually spits up all over the place while on his tummy also keeps me a bit hesitant, and it doesn't matter if it is 3 minutes or 3 hours since his last feeding. But listen, his neck is strong and Coen will learn to roll over from his back to tummy on his own time, I'm not rushing the situation. I know that he is probably my last baby and I don't want to rush anything about him growing up.
Whew, I like this confession thing, I feel better already!
Confession #2:
I let Coen sleep in our bed! AHHHHHH I'm kind of mad at myself for this one because I swore that I would never do this again. I let Cameron sleep in my bed forever and so when he finally got transferred into this own big boy bed, he would still come into my room in the middle of the night to cuddle with me. Once Kyle and I started dating he put an end to that quick which I was so thankful for.... but back to the matter at hand, the fact is I love Coen next to me at night. I can check on him whenever I want without having to move, if he starts to get restless I can quickly soothe him before he really wakes himself up, and I honestly just like to stare at him when he sleeps. Truth is, I know that it is more for me than Coen to have him next to me and that I might be doing more damage than good by having him there. The good news is that I have a plan! We have received our angel care monitor and I hope to have it all set up and ready to go by next week so that we can have Coen in his crib. It is going to be emotional (for me, not Coen) but I know that it is time, Kyle and I need to have our own space during the night. Kyle gets frusterated that I am never in the "mood" when Coen is sleeping right next to me. I feel guilty that our baby is right there (lol like he would actually know what is going on) and Kyle feels neglected, so something has to be done. Plus, I'm sure my Mother would like to know that Coen is sleeping in that nice crib that she purchased for him! hehee.
Confession #3:
Although I don't like to admit this one, I know it is my fault that Coen doesn't like to be put down! It kind of goes back to my first confession, that I love this baby so much and want to hold on to him every second of his life. Being that he won't technically let me do that forever, I do it now because I can and Coen doesn't say anything to stop me. I am slowly getting better at putting him down but I am not getting better at letting him sit there crying if he is upset. I try and go do laundry or something out of the room to keep me from hearing him, but my hears are sensitive to this little guy's cry and so eventually I always give in. I am starting to figure out, however, that if Cameron is in the room, Coen will sit in his swing/bouncy playground longer. He really enjoys watching Cameron and of course being the best big brother ever, Cam always interacts with Coen. I took this picture the other day because I think it is hilarious how Coen watches Cam play video games, he sits in his swing (not moving because thats the only way he likes it) and watches the football video game on TV... as well as watching Cameron jump up and down, do touchdown dances or fall to the ground like the world has ended if he makes a bad play.
Confession #4 (incidentally the last of my confessions, and I'm proud the list isn't longer!)
If I could get pregnant tomorrow to have one more baby, possibly a girl, I would say sign me up! As happy and blessed as I am for having these beautiful boys, my heart still yearns for a baby girl. I don't want to say that I would regret not trying one more time for a little pink in this life of blue, but I do think I would always wonder "what if". I actually had Kyle on board to try one more time, after many many many pleads, but once he lost his job our plans turned into dreams because we lost our IVF insurance too. Do I feel guilty for feeling a little disappointed about not having another one, sure of course. But I know there is a plan and I know God doesn't give me things I can't handle, so maybe he just thinks that Cam and Coen are enough for me... which leads me to be terrified of the future if he thinks they are all I can handle. I must have a lot of things in store for me ahead!
I'm not the only one living a life of blue, my best friend Jessica and close family friend Pam both announced on Monday that they too are expecting little boys! It has definitely been an overload of boys lately, but I can't complain... not only will Coen have so many amazing friends for life, but I have plenty of people to pass on clothes to and get them out of our way! Much love to all of my preggers for healthy pregnancies and safe deliveries.
Enjoy the beautiful weather ahead, go outside and breathe in the fresh air. I'm looking forward to walks with the boys and opening the windows in the house to let the sun shine in. Have a great weekend:)
1 comment:
I'm sorry about Kyle's job - hopefully, he'll get another one soon. In the meantime, you should qualify for COBRA coverage (basically, you continue to buy it from his employer) for a while longer, and it would be the same plan you had before. In terms of getting new health insurance, you really do want to continue cobra coverage as long as you can (or until you find another health insurance plan).
Hopefully, you'll get that dream baby girl. - Tkeys
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